So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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