What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
