I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize