perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
