dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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