Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my shit smells like andre
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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