nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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