Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
