I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
