I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
