I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just google imaged poop.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
