i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize