I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
