hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
