I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize