I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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