how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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