i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
