He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
