So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
