we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
