Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
