Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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