The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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