tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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