sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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