I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was born a porn star she said
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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