Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
