i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize