I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
