oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
