So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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