hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Randomize
