Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
