i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
