Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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