She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
