what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
