so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
