I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you would pick up someone in the library
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
