Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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