i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
