Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize