We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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