i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize