if i can run in heels then i can drive
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
