You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
