Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Welp...herpes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
