You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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