in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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