What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
