Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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