Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
