It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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