Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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