I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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