Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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