You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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