Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
