i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
