i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
