I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
