You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
