Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize