chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ketchup is God's man juice
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
