I hate your face
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
