i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
