I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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