Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We got so high we made milksteak
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
