this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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