Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
