To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
