He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
