so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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