Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
