Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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