New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
