Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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