I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
