I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
