Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
