he shaved USA in his pubs
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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