the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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