I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
