Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
