My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
third nipple confirmed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
