And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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