it was like having sex with a tree stump
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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