Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
