Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
