Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
