just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
