i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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