I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
