how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
