i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
