Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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