remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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