my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
