Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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