He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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