I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
