watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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